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Baby BFF Needed – Redhead Required

May 14, 2010

Piper has a lot of little daycare friends, but her toddler BFF just moved away. Her name is Brooke and she’s got red curly hair and she is precious.

Brooke and Piper had a lot of “things”. Most of the time on the webcam I could see them near each other at art and snack times, sometimes they held hands outside.  But the other thing that Brooke and Piper did was cause trouble. Like whichever one woke up from nap first would go over to the other one’s cot and poke her until she woke up. Then they’d just smile at each other and get up and start running around.

I probably shouldn’t, but I loved all that. Especially the wake-up-i’m-up-it’s-time-to-get-up thing.

I think redheaded best friends are extremely important, and I was stoked that P had found hers so early in life. It took me about 14 years to find mine.  I understand that you’re in disbelief that someone could hang out with me for over 15 years, but I can prove it.

Her name is Tessa. Everybody say “Hi Tessa”!

When we met we looked something like this:

She had her own phone line in her room. She was ridiculously cool.

My name is Mae! I like to dance!

I’ve basically been in trouble ever since. I’ve mentioned before that Mandy is one of those people who can get me to do random crap because she makes it sound cool but nothing can touch the persuasive powers Tessa possesses. No really. We once convinced a girl in high school that Tessa was a witch*. It was awesome.

We’ve been in approximately 79 weddings together and could probably dress as the Doublemint twins every day for a week in our matching dresses if I hadn’t gotten rid of all mine**.

This photo is a classic example of why I let my bridesmaids do their hair HOWEVER THEY FREAKING WANTED

Tessa’s big on road trips. This has proven to be convenient, because for most of the early years she was the only one with a decent car. In fact once upon a time after college we worked at the same company (so much trouble fun) and decided to take some time off together to drive to Key West. It’s an 8 hour drive and we were leaving after a full day at work, so to save money we decided to camp the first night after driving about six hours. We arrived long after dark and put up our tent. This was immediately followed by large moderate and responsible amounts of alcohol. We woke up in the morning to the realization that we had purchased, erected and slept the night in this:

Can you see it? It's a "youth tent". Shut up. We were young. So very young.

Not only did we do this once, we did it again a year later. This time she also convinced me to make her ‘smores with my cigarette lighter *** this cigarette lighter that we magically found someplace.

Stop looking at my hair. It was a dark time.

Sometimes I get really lucky and she takes me awesome places for free or hardly any real money****In fact we went to Barcelona and London together but I can’t really prove it because I believe we only took one picture of us together the whole time*****.

That’s because when you see us together we usually look like this:

What the hell happened to that skirt? I loved that skirt. Tessa are you hoarding my green skirt?!?

For years I didn’t own a camera. There really wasn’t any point because I just took her with me everywhere and she takes awesome photos, so why bother? I finally broke down and bought one right before my honeymoon, incidentally only the second vacation I took as an adult without her.

I’ve taken plenty of trips with her since getting married and sometimes I even bring my husband. In fact it’s likely that Topher took this, as he did the one above.  We were on a cruise, hosted by her awesome company as free guests (That’s how you know someone truly loves you, when they invite you on a free vacation with all of their co-workers and bosses and publicly announce that they’re responsible for you while you wander around a cruise ship for 3 days, soaked in gin.)

Isn't she lovely?

We don’t live in the same town anymore, but we’re only about 2 hours away from each other and still make the effort to spend time together. Like this one time, when I was about to have this baby, and she was having a surprise birthday party and we drove over so that I could use the gravitational force of my stomach to alter the tides in the Gulf of Mexico****** as a birthday present (we used to watch The Craft a lot*******).


We had to stop 3 times on the ride home so Topher could rub my cankles because I thought my legs were going to fall off, but it was worth it.

It’s been harder since Piper was born for me to get away, while Tessa’s still a pretty serious traveler. I get a lot of text messages from airport bars, to tell me what terrible or awesome 80’s music is playing, or how many times her flight to Switzerland has changed, usually when I’m cleaning up some kind of baby mess. She also, without fail and regardless of time of day (or night)(or dead of night) will call me to leave fantastic voicemails saying “Can you hear it?” while she holds her phone up in the air, (and I never can hear it but of course know what she’s talking about because WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE?!?) or text me to tell me that Brown Eyed Girl is being played wherever she is because it’s “our song”. If she was on that island on Lost and someone played Brown Eyed Girl, my Tessa would learn how to send smoke signals so she could tell me all about it.

It’s means a lot to me, to know that the girl who loved me enough to make sure I got to go to the Sherlock Holmes Museum during the 23 hours we spent in London still considers me cool enough to let me travel the world vicariously through her.

I know Piper will find her Bestie one day, and I hope she has red hair because redheads really add a certain spice to life that you just can’t get anywhere else********. Besides someone needs to teach her how to camp, and I am obviously not qualified.


*Tessa is not a witch.
**If I have one concern for Tessa in life it is that she may someday end up on a clothing specific spinoff of that show Hoarders. She has a problem, I’m not gonna lie.
***My Father In Law probably just won a $5 bet. Everybody say congrats!
****Just because the Euro looks like play money you should not be fooled. It is in fact real money and you have to trade your regular money to get them so you can pay for drinks.
*****Technically I have one so I do have proof but we look like crap which is why you don’t get to see it.
******To be clear, this was post-Katrina and pre-crazy oil explosion. Neither Tessa, Piper or I take any responsibility for those tragic natural disasters that were most definitely not a result of the sheer mass of my enormous stomach.
******* I swear she’s not a witch.
********No, you need to get your own redhead, you can’t have mine. I SAID BACK OFF. Do not make me make her cast a spell on you.  TESSA HONEY RUN! THEY’RE COMING FOR YOU!

14 Comments leave one →
  1. Tessa permalink
    May 14, 2010 7:19 am

    This is quite possibly the best blog post ever! Mae, you rock:)

    • May 14, 2010 7:35 am

      I thought I told you to run away! It’s a good thing you’re getting on another plane soon… I expect text message updates.

  2. May 14, 2010 7:39 am

    What a fabulous post! I loved reading about all of this. I had a best friend just like that… except I was the spicy red head!

  3. May 14, 2010 8:40 am

    Pause for the “AW”. There, yes. I said it. AH….how cute! Loved this post. I’m calling my BFF now. We haven’t made trouble in quite some time. We’re over-do.

  4. May 14, 2010 8:45 am

    I love this post! My old roomie and I have “Brown Eyed Girl” moments too… although neither of us have brown eyes so it’s weird that we call each other when that song comes on. This made me want to call all my buddies and go on a road trip!!!

  5. May 14, 2010 9:22 am

    friendships like these are amazing!

    i love the tessas in my life.

  6. John W. permalink
    May 14, 2010 10:18 am

    Having watched the fearsome foursome (Tessa, Mae, Liz, and Casey) grow since High School I can say in all certainty that…well…the world is screwed. Yep, you heard it here first. The fact that there hasn’t been some court order restricting these people’s access to one another is criminal frankly. I’m appalled our justice system hasn’t worked for the betterment of mankind. Good LORD people run for your lives!!!!

  7. Shannon permalink
    May 14, 2010 10:27 am

    That was such a great story! I am so happy to have been a part of some of those adventures…good times! Awww – it makes me miss my besties.

  8. Adam W permalink
    May 14, 2010 11:00 am

    1) I am a little jealous about the sherlock holmes museum. 2) I would totally let piper borrow my camping gear. I might also train her in some basic principles. Like buiolding a proper fire. (Secret: Bigger is better.)

    • Topher permalink
      May 14, 2010 8:52 pm

      You are the most qualified to teach her about the * wilderness*. I’m gonna supervise the fire, though. She is a ig fan of trees and may be horrified to discover the secret of fire.

  9. May 14, 2010 12:05 pm

    i have a wee little kind of sorta red head…waiting for piper here in MA. since we can’t pack up the farm or grow apple in FL…we will just wait for you here in new england.

  10. Liz permalink
    May 14, 2010 12:56 pm

    Dear God that was the funniest post ever. I spit apple on my monitor from laughing. Those pictures are classic. Man I’d forgotten how awesome we were.

  11. May 16, 2010 5:48 pm

    I am coming for her…you’d better watch out.

    Kidding, of course. I’ve already got a red headed bff of my own. Good luck to Piper on hers. That waking each other up thing sounds hard to lose.

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